KILL THE BITCH

Last post, should have killed this bitch a long time ago, back soon somewhere else, keep the forum going, thanks for reading.

KILL A WHALE FOR ROCK'N'ROLL!!!!

BANANA SPLIT

Hey, guess what (well, if you're reading this you probably already know)? Every band to the right has split up or has changed except for one! Flowers For The Few kicked out Timmy 'cause his asshole became too stretched out and couldn't provide pleasure anymore for the other guys, that's what you get for having to sit on your ass all the time! Just in time to launch their supergay new website! Butterflies and the gayest font in the history of fonts, come on guys, if you wanna be gay why not go all the way and put up some pictures of dicks and asses? Titty Twister finally realised they never could live up to their name and considered to change their name to the Dick Swingers but 'cause one of the members (the guitarplayer with the hair, hint, hint) came up too short in the dickdepartment they decided to quit it. And what the fuck's going on with Hypnos 69 nobody seems to know. Luckily Jean is still kicking the shit out of his drumset with Goe Sjoe, they even got a whole bunch of shows coming up opening for the royal cocksuckers Mint (hey Jean, ask those guys if they got to fuck Fabi up the ass) and a free show in the MMMMMMMMMM-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

HIPPIES RULE!

Don't know if anybody still comes here but I'm slightly drunk and in the mood to write about stuff no one cares about, in this case: hippierock! That's right I've been listening to some of the worst hippieshit ever made. Tyrannosaurus Rex and Donovan! Tyrannosaurus Rex is a dude with an acoustic guitar and another dude with bongos singing songs about elfs and wizards in a particulary gay manner and I fucking love it, to make it even worse, they sometimes read awful and pretentious poetry on their records and I don't even use the skipbutton on the cdplayer. Donovan is about as bad as a hippie can get: happy, stoned and smelly but that Hurdy Gurdy Man song and lp are total fucking killer, like Nick Drake on Prozac who's been smoking big bongs and enjoying all the free hippiepussy he can get! Don't worry, I got me some Back From The Grave comps of nasty and primitive hippiehating rock'n'roll to balance shit out and I still wash myself on a daily basis so I'm not going to become one of those peaceloving assholes anyday soon.
Oh yeah, you are all welcome to put stuff on the forum, please do, because I'm getting quite bored with my bullshit.

UPDATE 4

Damn, I've been focusing so much on the forum lately I missed out on this loser's sad opinion.

Saw a whole bunch of bands the last couple of weeks including the Flowers at the peak of their homoerotic powers, they actually hypnotized a bunch of teenage boys with their music! Too bad (for the Flowers, those lucky boys) the spell was over when they quit playing.

That's it, making fun of a commentator and the Flowers is what I call a great update!

KILLAFORUM

You can now post your bullshit here on my very own pink forum! Enjoy!

KILLASTUFF

Where are all the ugly chicks on Myspace? Statistically there are a hell of a lot more ugly chicks than pretty chicks but not on Myspace it seems, only hot girls on there! Bizarre.

Titty Twister are a bunch of really ugly motherfuckers.

If you want to know what I look like check my picture in the Flair (taken right before I'm going to eat a baby!).

FREE BREAST EXAMS

My hero

MOTORPSYCHO MADNESS 2

Motorpsycho live in '93 (you got to be a member)! Including live at the Democrazy Gent! I was there! I remember they had cheap guitars, big amps, longass dreadlocks and a synthesizerdude, they included 'Free your mind and your ass will follow' by Funkadelic in one of their jams. A lot of smoke on the stage and in the club from the smokemachine and from the audience including myself. We scored a big bag of supercheap weed and smoked pure joints all weekend, we mixed the cheap stuff with the more expensive stuff, I was so fucked up we almost died the next day when we went to see 'em at the Lintfabriek in Kontich. I had to cross a superbusy road with my tiny Mazda, I still remember the orchestra of carhorns coming in sideways! Fuck! Motorpsycho ruled both times.
Now I don't smoke anymore and there are just 2 Motorpsychoguys left and they're playing at the Royal Circus and it costs 25 euros. They can kiss my ass.

JOIN THE DEATH CULT!

On Myspace here! I COMMAND YOU!

KILLAWHALE DEATH CULT

It's been more than a week since my last update but I've got a good excuse this time, well, at least a better excuse than boozing and going to rock'n'roll-shows, and not that I haven't been doing that but I've also been studying death cults 'cause I think it would be pretty cool to start my own Killawhale Death Cult! What is a death cult you might ask? Well, there are 2 types of death cults: cults that kill other people like Charles Manson and his Family and cults that kill themselves like Jim Jones and his Peoples Temple. I'm thinking about doing a mix of both, I let you, my loyal members kill other people, preferably rich assholes, and bring me their money and when the cops are coming after you, you are allowed to kill yourselve. Doesn't that sound great? Sign up for the Killawhale Death Cult by mailing killawhaledeathcult@hotmail.com and receive the right to give me blowjobs!

Want to know more about death cults before signing up? Here are some links:
Wikipedia on Charles Manson
Wikipedia on the Jonestown massacre
Charles Manson Website
Jonestown Website

Enjoy and join the Killawhale Death Cult today! I command you.

NUDE NANCY

So I downloaded some Nancy Sinatra Playboy photos the other day thinking this was the young hot sixties Nancy. Unfortunately it was the old Nancy in her goddamn sixties, ouch! I didn't really wanted to see that. All my great masturbationfantasies about Nancy and her boots walking all over me are fucked up now! I can't even listen to her records anymore without thinking about that old pussy and those superfake tits! DAMN! Fuck you Nancy! Fuck you Playboy!

INTINOIZE

I was drunk and grabbed all your girlfriends asses, tits and pussies! They loved it! Finally a real man! Titty Twister sucked 'cause they still haven't got any real tits onstage, fucking posers! The Flowers were even more gay than otherwise! Did you know they sound like Sergio now? Yep, they do! Read all about it here. How gay is that? SUPERGAY! They sound like a blonde dude in leather pants and sunglasses who played the Eurovision Songfestival (the gayest thing on earth)! The only thing missing is a darkroom!

KILLA COVER TV

The Flaming Lips play the classics with hot chicks:
Bohemian Rhapsody (check the sparkling ass!) and War Pigs!

KILLANEWS

This saturday at Intinoize (yep, Inti named a festival after himself, did anyone say 'small penis'?) in Tijl, Diest Titty Twister and Flowers For The Few (with special gueststars Leather Tom and the legendary Dogfucker!) will attend to all your homoerotic needs!

The Goo Darling-site is finally online here and be sure to check out Jean's little sideproject (you can tell the credibility of bands from Antwerp by the amount of little sideprojects they got) here.

And here are the dates for the Hypnos 69 'Pimp my Mercedes Sprinter'-eurotour 2006:

Thu April 6: Den Hemel, Zichem, Belgium

Fr April 7: Zanzibar, Strasbourg, France

Sat April 8: Bomber Bar, Zürich-Seebach, Switzerland

Mo April 10: Munich, Germany (tbc)

Tue April 11: Haus Panorama, Vienna, Austria

Wed April 12: Bergwerk, Millstadt, Austria

Fri April 14: Bloom, Mezzago, Italy

Sat April 15: Sedel, Luzern, Switzerland

THE MEDIOCRE RALLY

'Cause I promised sexgod Jean that if he got to the final I would come see him and 'cause I wanted to experience this dumbass thing too for once I went to the Rock Rally, here's what I saw:
KRAKOW: saw only one song and it was slow and boring
RYE something: very pretentious assholes playing very mediocre crap, the dumb redhead that presented the thing pronounced their name wrong so they said it again when they came on and when they won third price (they were pissed) the dumb old juryfart said it wrong again, it was funny, that's what you get for having a stupid bandname (more stupid bandnames to come by the way)
BALTHAZAR: first decent band of the night, weird pop meets prog or something like that, they reminded me of Bobby Conn, which is great. Not surprisingly they won the price of the public not 'cause of the music but because their violinplayer was real damn hot and didn't mind showing of (a big part of) her fantastic tits!
TOYOTA: even more pretention and mediocrity. By this time I ran into the Jean-fanclub and will have commentary from Hypnos 69-bassgod Leather Tom: bad bassplayer doing dumb, dumb, dumb.
FREAKY AGE: teenage rock'n'rollers, not bad but they need to get fucked and get fucked up, no bassplayer so no Leather Tom.
GOO DARLING: loud and rocking, with that incredibly hot drummer (if there would've been more girls (and homos) than boys in the club they would've won the price of the public), they didn't win but they never had a chance 'cause I like 'em and I never liked a band that won the Rock Rally. Leather Tom: bad bassplayer.
REVENGE 88: old farts rocking out, it was great! Best lyrics of the night: 'Keep your pussy satisfied' and 'Belgium ain't no fun no more'! Leather Tom: they should've done a Guns'N'Roses song.
THE HICKEY UNDERWORLD: another stupid bandname and the most mediocre band of the night, I didn't like 'em, I didn't hate 'em, I didn't care so of course they won! They even had a mediocre bassplayer 'cause I don't remember Leather Tom had something to say about him.
THE SHELTER TAPES: the highlight of the night, a band you love to hate, a band made to hate! A bunch of boring hippies with the dumbest lyrics you ever heard in your life, 'Love is in your heart, love is in your heart for me', I HATED THEM, but at least they gave me violent fantasies! I love violent fantasies! If they want to have something worse than a didgeridoo to fuck up their next album the Flowers for the Few can ask these guys to gueststar. The bassplayer played harmonica and bass at the same time in one song, Leather Tom wasn't impressed. Christian Rock fan Jesse was. Jesse by the way is watching way to many Jim TV and saw lesbians everywhere, too bad I didn't.
THE BLACKBOX REVELATION: yet another stupid bandname, where do they get these atrocities? Pretty cool rock'n'roll with nice fuzzed out wahwahsoloing, the Stooges meet the Stones when they weren't oversexed alcoholic junkies yet. So more fucking and boozing guys! Very surprisingly they won second price! No bassplayer so no Leather Tom.
By this time I had it with the wannabe hipsters, the desperate old farts and the over the hill rockstars (=the audience) so I went home and watched the grand finale on my computer. It was hilarious! The winners got booed! HAHAHA! And the jury looked like they just shat their pants! Then the dumb redhead almost started apoligizing for the jury's bad taste, 'We really liked them' and so on, hahaha, and the singer almost started crying:'Come on, people, it's only a competition.' A competition that won you 10.000 fucking euros for being mister mediocrity. So why did you join then, motherfucker?

I cleansed my ears, brain and soul that night with 2 bottles of wine and some real rock'n'roll (the new Mudhoney, Deep Wound, Pentagram and the Deadly Snakes, I'm sure none of these bands would ever stand a chance in the Rock Rally). It was necessary.

KISSING ASS

Last week I saw the future of belgian rock'n'roll and it was called Goo Darling. The supersexy drummer stole the show, even the charismatic singerchick didn't stand a chance against his overpowering sexappeal. I'm not gay but if I ever would come in the situation I had to fuck a dude it would be him, he sure has got the haircut for it!

PANIC

I found out last night a big panic broke out last week at the Flowers For The Few mansion because of this post. Did Master Peepee give me the wrong dvd? Not the one with liveshow outtakes but the real gay porn one? Apparently they've got tons of gay porn-dvd's starring themselves but not with S. Marx fucking canarees so I was probably joking (so they think, hahaha).

KILLA PUNK TV

GG Allin on Jerry Springer

DON'T PEEPEE ON MY CANARY

Master Peepee(ter) of Flowers For The Few got me a copy of their first dvd. I'm not into gay porn but there was a very interesting guestappearance by a certain member of Hypnos 69 who is famous on this page for the stuff he does to dogs. Apparently now he moved on from dogs to canaries! Has to be seen to believed!

SUPPORT GAY RIGHTS

Support Flowers For The Few on the Demopoll-site here. I normally don't do this kind of thing but only 1 reaction (not counting my own) by a dude called John Beton is pretty fucking pathetic. Go ahead, do it and maybe Sjarre will blow you for free!

MONSTER MAGNOT

Don't know how many of you still give a crap (I know I sure don't) but the Monster Magnet-tour got cancelled 'cause apparently Dave OD'd. Read the pretty dramatic pressrelease here. Doesn't anybody else find it suspicious they start yelling overdose so fucking soon? Other bands usually try to hide it when it happens to them and they sure as hell aren't putting out official messages about it. But not with Monster Magnet, they probably think it makes them look cool while it just makes them look stupid(er), if you have been doing drugs as long and as many as Dave claims it's pretty fucking dumb to overdose after all those years. Still it's a very believable excuse for the worlds number one drugband to cancel a tour of course. A bit to believable I think. I think something very ordinary or very stupid happened to Dave, like his new facelift with extraspecial built-in stupid moustache didn't heal in time for the tour or he had a real bad case of hemmeroids. I would say I overdosed to.

BLACK HOOKER

So I got myself a great black hooker the other night. Big tits, juicy pussy and oh so willing. And cheap, so fucking cheap! Too bad I came so soon.

EAT MY SHIT

I"m fucking pissdrunk right now so what better time then now to post some bullshit about some stuff you don't care about. Like what rekkids i've been grooving to lately:
The new Motorpsycho for example, I really like that first track which makes it sound like it's a good thing they kicked their drummer out, fast simple rocking without all kinds of difficult breaks just to keep it interesting for the drummer. The rest of the record is very hit or miss though, the second track sounds like a parody of themselves and the whole thing is just to fucking long, it could've been one great lp but now it's just a mediocre double lp.
Psychedelic Disaster Whirl on the other hand is a killer all the way. Mindblowing buttshakin' drugtakin' rock'n'fuckin'roll!
Also killer all the way is The Kinks - Kontroversy, tight as John Wayne's asshole and catchy as AIDS in Bareback Mountain!
Talking 'bout homos makes me want to break out the 'Lavender Jungle' double lp, a gay themed coctail rock'n'roll comp that makes you smile all day, even if you got a bad cold!
And more homorock of course is the Flowers For The Few lp, although I know all the songs from seeing 'em live or in rehearsal I still find myself playing it on a regular base, that makes it a great record I guess if it wasn't for that one tiny detail...
Okay, that's about it, now I'm gonna drink some more!

SMELLY BAD

Friends in bad bands can kiss my ass. I wasted my time last night by watching some incredible bullshitband just 'cause a friend of mine plays with them. He's a nice guy but his band SUCKS! But their opening band was even worse. The drummer was obsessed by this small cymbal he kept hitting. It got on my nerves. The bassplayer was this farmerchick who would be just fine sucking dick in some Dennis Black Magic flick but playing bass and singing, I'm sorry baby, not for you. The singer should be shot. Horrible crap. I'm not gonna dis my friends band too hard but sometimes you can tell by a band's gear they're gonna suck. A Peavey amp? An Ibanez bass? Digital effects? YOU SUCK and I don't even have to hear it.