THE FRENCH MASTURBATION MASSACRE

Right here!

SMELL HER POOPER

Before he became a heavy metal joke, he was a whole band that played killer rock'n'roll! Check it out here.

OLD KIDS

Saw the Kids on saturday, they fucking ruled accept for a couple of songs, they did the worst crime old bands can do: play new songs. Hey old farts, no one fucking cares about your new songs, you can't do better than the old ones, imfuckingpossible!
How can you get better than this? You fucking can't, that's how!

SKIRT CAM!

Damn! Let's hope they'll never find my camera.

TROUBLE

The Beatles' 'Come together' in a metalstylee, check it here

GOE SJOE

For the really bored on saturday night:
- Goo Darling + Burtis Asla (shittiest bandname of the month) in JH Tijl in Diest
- Titty Twister + a bunch of other crap in JH De Cramme in Stekene (I had to ask where the fuck that is too)
- Hypnos (not so) 69 somewhere in Naziland

TO 69 OR NOT TO 69

Hypnos 69 are hypocrites, they don't 69 all the time when they have sex! You want proof? Their drummer and his girlfriend got a baby! Now please explain to me how you can get a baby with 69ing? I am shocked! Isn't it time for a namechange boys?
Still babies are cool and all. The best time of my life was as a baby. Always laying around, getting fed whenever you feel like it, you don't even have to get up to go take a shit! How great is that?
And this baby always reminds of this killersong which sounds like it's been played by babies.

PEANUT BUTTER PISS

Now that would really hurt, don't you think?

PEANUT BUTTER SHIT

The last couple of days I've been shitting peanut butter, chunky peanut butter! The chunks scratch open my soft cheeks and it's a bitch to wipe off. Last saturday my shit was almost perfect: a nice long solid brown turd and my ass was clean after just 2 wipes, it doesn't get much better than that but since then it's been peanut butter. Life can be a bitch sometimes.

HOT WAX HITS

Some hits from sunday:
Rolling Stones - Empty heart
The Boys - First time
Cosmic Psychos - Lost cause

FAGGOTRY

Flowers For The Few got some time off from buttfucking each other (the Sjarre was pissed) and got themselves a gig at Brabants best known gaybar: july 15 at Den Hemel, Zichem. Around the same time Hypnos 69 will be trying to get the Van Laer pimped to homos and old women all over Europe 'while Steven Marx will set a new record for fucking as many dogs in as many different countries as possible. He is especially looking forward to the Danish dogs. Still no news on the Titty Twister cd, they're waiting for Robbys tits to get big enough so he can actually twist them for the cd-presentation I've been told.

HOT WAX

Yesterday was such a nice day. The sun was shining and everybody was outside enjoying it. It was great! I was inside a big hot room looking for records at the recordfair. When it's hot only the real vinyljunkies go to these things, all the posers, hippies and assholes (and their stupid girlfriends) stay out. I scored some hot shit and I didn't have to push, bite, hit or kill to get it, it was amazing!
Here's what I got:
Cosmic Psychos - Go the hack LP: classic primitive punkrock from the land of Neighbours and Home & Away
The Boys - st LP: even more classic punkrock with the best song ever written about fucking virgins 'First time': OW OWOWOW it's the first time, OW OWOWOW please be kind!
The Rolling Stones - Around and around LP: great compilation of early b-sides and other rare stuff, rockin'!
The Rolling Stones - Their satanic majesties request LP: the Stones go psychedelic and fail, still some nice tunes but they're a hell of a lot better at rocking!
King Tee - Diss you: King Tee samples the Stones' 'Miss you' and makes it funny, great 90's hiphop
Captain Beefheart - Doc at the radar station: killer fucked up and crazy record with the best songtitles ever: 'A carrot is as close as a rabbit gets to a diamond' and the best of all:'Making love to a vampire with a monkey on my knee'!
Gene Clark - st LP: nonpussy, nonredneck countryclassic
Françoise Hardy - La question CD: hottest french singerchick ever, the song where she counts down in french ripped the zipper of my pants if you know what I'm saying
Set it on fire compilation CD: tribute to the Scientists, primitive punkrockers from Crocodile Dundee land with such bad boys as the Cheater Slicks and Mudhoney