Wednesday, November 30, 2005

SATURDAYNIGHT SUICIDE

Or you can go to a show! In the middle of the middle of nowhere where people still fuck cows (they haven't even discovered sheep yet!) you can go see how those cowfuckers react to a bunch of fairies and how Roby lets explode small animals with his guitar. In the center of the motherfucking universe (at least that's what the people who live there think, everybody else knows the center of the universe is my dick) also known as Naziland Goo Darling will brutally destroy the competition in a battle of bands. You can see Goo Darling in action right here (hey Jean, next time you're in a videoclip lose the t-shirt, girls like a halfnaked drummer!).

Sunday, November 27, 2005

HITS TO TOUCH TITS

Some favourite songs that sound almost as good as feeling up a nice pair of boobies:
Black Lips - Dirty hands: a ballad that talks about wearing leather, smoking dope and not washing your hands before dinner, how can this be bad?
The Troggs - Come now: I've talked about this song below in that longass superboring post. It's about a dude who begs his french girlfriend to come 'cause his dick is too small (not a problem if you've got a killerwhaledick but I'm sure a lot of you recognise the situation), of course she doesn't understand him!
Enjoy!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

SHORT SHIT

Sorry for that long post (long=boring even for a supertalented writer like myself) the other day, I know it's hell on the attentionspan of all you drunks and potheads.
I promised some more reviews:
- The Reatards, Angry Angles and Tokyo Elektron: if you weren't there and don't know and love the Reatards there's no reason for you to continue your meaningless and boring life. Go listen to some King Crimson and slit your wrists.
- Wives, Hospitals and Liars: sounds like the title for a soap on Vitaya but it's actually 3 different bands who deconstruct the traditional rock'n'rollform wich sounds very pretentious and boring but is actually very entertaining in the case of the Wives and the Hospitals and hipsterbullshit in the case of the Liars. The Liars played last and I gave them a shot but I left soon.

THE END, short and snappy but with too many borings.

Monday, November 21, 2005

UPDATE 3

Hey, it's an update, how is it possible? I saw a ton of rock'n'rollshows and drank too much cheap wine so I couldn't be bothered to update, I still can't be bothered actually but it's been a while and I'm kind of bored. I ran into de Jean in Antwerp the other day (I hate that hipster hellhole but the best recordshop in Belgium is there so what can I do?) and he gave me a complete demo of his band Goo Darling (thank you Jean), it's pretty good, it's even great if you take in consideration they're from Antwerp, shitty bandcity number 1! At the recordstore I picked up Strawberry Path, a crazy japanese duo from the seventies with loud songs that sound like primitive Deep Purple and a couple of slow spacey ones, one that sounds like an instrumental version of 'Whiter shade of pale' (fucking horrible of course) and the hilarious 'Mary Jane on my mind' (I wonder what it's about?) hearing the singerdude crooning 'Maly Jane on my miiiiiiiind' with a thick japanese accent over a big orchestra after a bunch of loud yelling and fucked up guitarshit made me laugh out loud in the recordstore so naturally I got the cd! In the car I've been listening to a Troggstape, yep, the 'Wild thing'-dudes, turns out they did a whole bunch of heavy shit all about fucking, almost all good rock'n'roll is about fucking, I know, but not like the Troggs do it! Best tune is the incredibily heavier than Sabbath 'Feels like a woman' (it's about this girl whose a megabitch but he fucks her anyway), another cool song is very much inspired by that french sexsong by Gainsbourg and that chick (you know the one I mean) with a girl moaning in french (I'm pretty sure she isn't french) over a slow but loud sexbeat. The Troggs rule! I saw a bunch of great shows as I mentioned before, here are some short reviews:
- Melt Banana and the worst opening band i saw in a while (and I experience tons of horrible shit, I can tell you): Bob Marley with a Manowar-t-shirt on guitar and the type of drummer who spent his teenage years rehearsing in the basement instead of jerking off like us normal people. They played freakmetal (you have to be a total asshole to fuck up that genre 'cause it can make the most talentless fuckups look entertaining) of the instrumental kind with voicesamples like 'no compromise!'(I guess sucking hard is a form of not compromising). The best thing about them was their roadie who looked like an Albanian mobster who likes hiphop and who spent half the show laying on the floor in front of the bassdrum holding the mic and the other half smoking huge joints (not even the best heroin can make that shit sound good). Melt Banana were amazing!(what can I say, you all know I'm better with the negative shit)
- The Lyres: this was on the same day as that Mars Volta guitarwanker, anybody go see him? Primitive garagecrap or the biggest wankathon since the last gay safe sexmeeting ain't no choice at all for the Whale. It was actually the Lyresfrontman (Monoman!) backed by a dutch garageband who also opened, another opening band that sucked! A bunch of dutch dudes with a stick up their asses in white uniforms with a dutch (=really bad) sense of humour who played the most uptight sixtiesgaragepunk I ever heard (for you stupid assholes: garagepunk ain't supposed to be uptight at all). This didn't promise a lot of good! Luckily Momoman was an old drunk fuck with red hair, the coolest sunglasses ever and a purply shiny jacket who obviously hated his band (and they hated him), they played a bunch of Lyreshits, too many slow ones and some cool covers all the while trying to fuck with eachother, it was great!
- The Japanese New Music festival: 3 dudes in 7 bands! You know this was going to be crazy! Because I spent way too many hours counting the rats in the shithole this show was gonna be at I got there late, of course for once they decided to start the show on time and I missed a couple of bands. Luckily the stuff that I saw was all great except maybe for the drummerdude who played along to prerecorded basslines, what was the fucking point of that? I saw an acapellaband who mixed traditional japanese stuff with doowop and kungfumoves, a band that opened with a spacey japanese folksong and then continued with a bunch of hits in Captain Beefheart style (not just making noise but they actually figured out how to play the riffs to 'Smoke on the water' or 'Hotel California' like the Magic Band would have, pretty fucking cool) and last but not least the fantastic Acid Mothers Temple who sounded like Blue Cheer doing free jazz or something like that, a big mindfuck in any case.
- ZZZ + the Gossip: another big mindfuck was ZZZ, a drummer and an analogue synthfreak who just ruled! I just can't describe how fucking great they were, luckily my girlfriend could describe why she thought they sucked:'They sound like a landing UFO!', the same reason why I liked the magical supersounds of ZZZ! Next band was the Gossip who were okay. The most lesbian drummer ever who anounced she had the worst PMS of her life and proceeded to take it out on the monitordude (poor guy), Divines sister on vocals and a fruity (not to say gay) guitar/bassplayer. They opened with a guitarless song which I didn't like but when the dude put on his axe shit sounded a lot better. The drummerdyke pounded her set into the ground and the singer could (unlike Divine) actually sing. They had this girlthing going a real man just can't understand, lots of teenage lesbians in the audience dancing like crazy is something a real man can understand though. Needless to say, my girlfriend liked the Gossip better than ZZZ.

Goddamn, this is the longest post I ever written and i'm still not done but I'm sick and tired of typing so more reviews coming hopefully soon! And also a couple of tunes I wrote about.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

FAGGOTS FOR A FREE FUCK

The Flowers for the Few webmaster took a break from jerking off to Robbie Williams and put up some demotracks for your downloading pleasure: 'Anything, any size, anywhere (as long as it's up my ass)' and 'Walking in line behind young behind'. Enjoy but beware! Don't let them take over your heterosexual mind.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

GOE SJOE 2

I wrote a hilarious and very entertaing post about them here but now they have got a website of their own and some pretty cool partial songs (a complete song would be nice, cheapos!) here. The world desperately needs more bands with girls by the way, I already saw way too much damn ugly fuckers sing and/or play in way too much shitty bands.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

SQUEEZE MY LEMON

I was listening to the Led Zeppelin BBC sessions today. So you would think a rockstar millionaire like Robert Plant could afford a juicer. Not! He keeps going on about how his baby should squeeze his lemon and how the juice runs down his leg. Dude, get a decent juicer!
Led Zeppelin - Communication Breakdown (BBC sessions)

Saturday, November 05, 2005

KILLA RADIO

For a very nice Pink Floyd jam go here and click on 'Beluister de jongste uitzending' and skip through 'till about 1h32min. Their next show is mondaynight so I guess it will be up 'till than. If any of you genuises manages to record this on their computer please send me a copy. Thanks to Metal Marc for the tip.

ROCKFART

Dzjeez that crap suuuuuuuuuuuucked! Luckily I managed to grab Tommy's ass when I left so it wasn't a complete waste of time (Tommy has got the sexiest ass ever!).

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

XTC NOT FOR ME

I never took it 'cause every fucker I know who takes it turns into this loving happy happy joy joy hippieasshole that makes me wanna pull out my beloved Uzi and kill! Here's two songs about the evils and joys of ecstacy: the hilarious anti-XTC hit 'E is for evil' by christian garagerockers The Knights of the New Crusade and 'Ecstacy' by the crazy dutch fuckers from zZz. Enjoy!